An Old Fashioned, Naughty Limerick

An impossibly profane parrot

Squawked advice re inserting a carrot.

You'd be shocked to know where,

But the bird didn't care,

And the vicar's face turned deepest claret.

                                                                (c)Frank Rooney

Robin Hood:

A Brief History

Boldly bearing his bow,

Arrows in his quiver,

Robin turned the taker

Into a glum giver.

Robin Hood, as we all know, lost his horse in Shergar Forest after going on a mead bender.  Desperate for a wee, he stumbled between miles of trees, and sometimes against them, before finally coming across a tiny Portaloo.  A big, burly fellow was just coming out, adjusting his hose.

"I name thee Little John", slurred Robin, shouldering a path to the pungent bowl, and the soothing sound of a waterfall soon filled the forest.  After wiping his hands on his tunic, Robin met Little John's friends: Will Scarlet (who was on the run after killing Dr Black with a candlestick in the billiard room) and Friar Tuck, a rotund, jolly monk who would give anything a go and who had a penchant for Spoonerisms.  They had lots of adventures while looking for Robin's horse, accusing Bad King John of money laundering when the crown jewels were lost in the Wash, and Robin was in like Flynn with Barmaid Marion after playing a blinding game of darts down the Red Lion.

Serge Gainsbourg ... cartoon

Serge Gainsbourg loathed London's river.  He wrote his most
famous and controversial song, "Shit Thames", about it.

                                                                                             (c)Frank Rooney

The Televsion

"In the War on Poverty, Dad ...

tell me, what did you do?"

A young son asked his grey father,

who stared down at his shoe.

"Son, I was paid by the Rich Man;

his commands I fulfilled,

and there was this War on Terror

in which Poor Folk were killed.

"I worked in retail

(that was my detail)

and products were sold.

This was the New War!

Money bought New Law;

the Cold War was old ...

"I did it for you, son, for you and me;

for God, country and the economy."

"Dad! You ought to feel shame

that you were complicit!"

"Yes ... but it bought us this telly

in front of which you and I sit."

                                                    (c)Frank Rooney 

This unhappy haiku expresses the impossible, giddy love of a woman, a violinist in a chamber orchestra, for an unavailable man in the horn section ...

Musical Haiku (with footnote)

Desperate Desire!

Oh, to make violin love!

But, you're not my beau.*

*So, I'll just have to play pizzicato.

                                                                        (c)Frank Rooney

Pacino Cartoon ...

Al Pacino
Scarf Ace

                                                                                                (c)Frank Rooney

Disco Darwin

It was while perusing the wares of a second-hand record
emporium that Charles Darwin, believing he had found the
missing link, was inspired to write The Origin of the Bee Gees.