Little Donkey - a Modern Parody

Little Donkey

(A Modern Parody)

Little donkey, little donkey,

Now the beach ride’s shut,

What to do now, little donkey,

You sorry equine mutt?

   
Chorus

 Under that spotlight bright –

 Break a leg, break a leg –

 You are a star tonight –

 Break a leg, break a leg.

In the school play, little donkey,

Joseph pulls your ears,

But you bite him, little donkey,

And get the loudest cheers.

In the panto, little donkey,

You are all the rage.

“It’s behind you, little donkey!”

 You’ve crapped upon the stage.

Hollywood now, little donkey;

Spielberg’s just yelled, “Cut!”

Angelina’s sat upon you,

You lucky equine mutt!

Now it’s Summer, little donkey,

Back on Blackpool’s beach.

On your back now, little donkey,

Fat kids squirm and screech.

                                                       (c)Frank Rooney

A Sonnet On Celebrity

A Sonnet On Celebrity

A Shallow Parody of Shakespeare's

Shall I compare thee to a Christmas tree?

Thou art more gaudy and much more prickly:

Rank Brussels’ breeze does shake sharp needles free,

And Yuletide’s lengthy feast leaves us sickly:

Sometimes, one bulb blown, fairy lights won’t shine,

And each is tested, but less than my calm,

Till the bebaubled branches illumine

Tacky tat wrapped, ribboned, made to look glam:

But thy eternal Christmas fails to cease

So your flatulent frippery lacks vim;

Attempts to enlighten garrulous geese

Would be less trying, for you are so dim.

Christmas is short and can be joyous,

But you just hang around and annoy us.

                                                            (c)Frank Rooney

Christmas: It's All About Giving

Christmas: It's All About Giving

Three wise men came to Bethlehem

Each bearing birthday treats.

Joe and Mary were unimpressed

And asked for the receipts.

Christmas is all about giving.  Well, it used to be ... probably.  We can can blame the three wise men, who trudged all the way from wherever it was they came from to Bethlehem to bother the baby Jesus, for starting this indefatigable tradition.  Mary and Joseph were schacked up in a one-star hotel when Larry, Moe and Curly dropped by bearing gifts of gold, frankfurters (to be fair, they didn't know that he was Jewish and forbidden pork ... but, as is usual in these instances, it's the thought that counts, isn't it?) and myrrh-rhrrrr (an old timey cough remedy, good for shifting phlegm).  Socks had been suggested at the pre-expedition meeting, but, as practical as knitwear for the pedal extremities would have been as gift for a small child in the freezing mid-Winter, nobody wanted to appear cheap.  So much for the wisdom attributed to them ...

(c)Frank Rooney

The Magnificent Seven & the Origins of Christmas

The Magnificent Seven & the Origins of Christmas

In Norse mythology long since faded

As History’s feet down Time’s dirt street trod,

Yul Brynner was loudly accoladed.

He was a popular, though minor god.

His name means “Yule Bringer” from ancient Norse.

He’d cart wood to warm Winter for Odin*,

Which he’d leave in the barn by Odin’s horse,

Crying out, “Ho! O! You’ve got a load in!”

How did Yul travel? You ask. I answer,

By sled he’d sojourn, o’er snow he’d careen,

Dragged by deft deer named Dasher and Dancer,

Prancer, Vixen, Comet and Steve McQueen.

Yul once had more deer to make up his bunch –

Such a line-up, so delightful, not drab –

But saving on feed, he’d many a lunch

Of Cupid, Blitzen and Donner kebab.

*W.H. Odin,

The mythical poet,

Who was mad for the gin,

Down his throat he’d throw it.

                                                                          (c)Frank Rooney